Miracle Covers

2009 Aussie Rules Grand Final Live Blog

Just back from a night of drinking and gambling, just in time for our first ever live blog. Saints! Cats! Feel the excitement. Live on ESPN Classic from The Castle. Lou & Sean here to guide you through this historic event.

AFL Rules wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_rules_football

http://www.superfooty.com.au

00:21 “Who decides who does the opening bounce from the umpires?” I have no idea what this means. The St. Kilda Saints are 9.5 point underdogs versus the Geelong Cats (pronounced Guh-LONG). I have 5 dollars on Guhlong.

00:23 Prior to signing on here, there was a man with the trophy being dropped into the stadium on wire cables, several incomprehensible songs by little kids and a flyover by a Quantas jumbo jet that seemed to have problems turning.

00:25 We’re also getting the best of bad commercials here on post-midnight ESPN Classic. We just had all three Mannings pimping Lifelock with Archie Manning creepily hovering over Peyton & Eli.

00:28 The St. Kilda Saints team song is predictably, “When the Saints go Marching In.” They also apparently beat Geelong in their previous meeting this season, whatever that’s worth. We’re fairly confused here as to whether 9.5 points is a big spread or not. Also these guys play 60 minute halves which makes our sports seems pussy & leisurely by comparison.

00:32 They are predicting hailstorms as well for this game. Again the theme: America = pussy

00:34 We’re underway. The announcers are using the word footy liberally. Apparently they start with something that resembles dropping the puck except they bounce the ball as high as possible and both teams immediately fight over it.

00:35 We’ve seen about 5 personal fouls already in the first 3 minutes. 6-0 Cats.

00:37 When the ball (shaped like a football) goes out of bounds on the sides of the oval, the referee throws it backwards over his head back into play. To move the ball forward, the players can either punch or punt or bounce it and can run around somewhat, but we’re not exactly sure how far. The referees apparently blow whistles a lot for no apparent reason. They do have loose ball fouls as Sean just noted.

00:40 Last year when the Cats won some player had 30 disposals. I wonder if that includes the clothesline someone just dished out.

00:41 Punting the ball through the field goal posts = six points. Geelong up 12-0 now.

00:43 Saints miss a sitter for a behind. That’s missing wide for 1 point instead of 6.

00:44 Lenny Hayes 4 disposals so far.

00:47 Saints are basically punting the ball around to themselves now, but they’ve got a chance to score 6 now…It’s good 12-7

00:49 I have to say the field looks like a circle and not an oval.

00:51 St. Kilda not giving Geelong an easy disposal. That doesn’t stop a Geelong player from running over two opponents and kicking through for an 18-7 lead. It’s started raining and we’re looking forward to this game getting dirtier and sloppier. Can hail be used as a weapon?

00:53 Punching an opponent in the face is not allowed. 18-13. These teams have coordinators in the booth just like our football teams do.

00:59 Saints miss another chance 18-14.

1:01 Saints hit a 6 pointer at the buzzer to make it 20-18.

1:02 Sean steps in for the 2nd quarter of this epic matchup of the whitest athletes this side of curling.

1:03 I guess there’s embellishment in Australian Rules Football as well. On a player trying to get a free kick feigning a blow to the back, “His acting is not as good as his play”.

1:03 Every time the announcer says the word, “footy”, I giggle.

1:04 “He’s sniffing around the packs.” Sounds like Vlade Divac trying to bum cigarettes in between flights.

1:05 How in the fuck do these guys play 120 hours of this shit? Oh wait, that’s right, alcohol. http://www.mja.com.au/public/issues/189_09_031108/die11464_fm.html

1:08 People are setting up tents outside the stadium. They are probably the only people drunker than the players on the field.

1:10 Yep, just saw a guy double fisting.

1:12 They call turnovers in this sport, “disposals”. I guess that makes Jake Delhomme a disposal machine?

1:13 Saints captain, “We don’t want to be second-best, we want to be first-best.” I guess he’s read the Herm Edwards terms of success encyclopedia.

1:13 A quick Saints 6 pointer and a single make it 27-18.

1:14 Nice deflection by the Saints to make it 1 points instead of 6 on a Geelong try. 27-19.

1:15 Is there any better thing than hearing an Australian person saying the word, “lumber”?

1:16 Missed opportunity on a “scrubber” try by the Saints.

1:18 I think Rhys Darby, the manager from from “Flight of the Conchords” is the play-by-play guy for this game.

1:20 Saints are moving the ball, but no 6 pointers, they are settling for single point kicks. Sounds like watching Oakland Raiders football. Up 29-19.

1:22 Geelong sets up a nice try for a 6 point goal, cutting the Saints lead to 29-25.

1:23 I love how there is a HD ad in the middle of the field. Soon enough, you will see this in football. Right below Tony Gonzalez you’ll see the graphic, “it’s 3rd and 10 from the Bud Light 50 yard line.”

1:24 I wish NBA referees would throw jump balls like the Aussie Rules refs do. Just throw it behind your back and let it rip.

1:27 30-25, Saints. Should be 40-25. I bet the over/under in this game was set at 10,557.

1:28 Number 33 for Geelong is a beast. And he can kick. I think the Vikings finally found themselves a punter.

1:29 After a the 50th penalty of the game that sets up a Cats’ try, Cats retake the lead, 31-30.

1:30 Tied at 31. I am officially bored and both Louis and Allen are asleep.

1:31 It is pouring there. Maybe the O/U is now at 10,556.

1:32 Saints commit a turnover in their own end, resulting in a Cats’ 6 point try, and throw an equivalent of a pick-6. In America, we call that, “pulling a Kevin Kolb.” Darts, “That willlllllll happen.” 37-31.

1:34 Long range Cats’ kick makes it 43-31. BTW, if a kick hits the post, it’s just one point, not 6.

1:35 Pat Darts’ drunken Aussie accent sounds like South Park’s Mr.Garrison combined with Mr.Bean.

1:37 On the ticker, Roy Jones Jr. is going to fight Bernard Hopkins in 2010 for the WBA Heavyweight Over-The-Hill, Over-hyped, and Overpaid Boxing Championship of the World.

1:38 Saints get a 6 pointer, 43-37.

1:40 I love how Ford is sponsoring the Cats on their jersey. Nice to see my tax dollars hard at work.

1:42 49-43 at the half, Saints.

Louis is going to bed.

NEXT DAY EDIT: This post should be an everlasting reminder American = Pussy. At least we made it to half. Geelong won and covered 80-68.