Author: sean
Week 10 Rambling Drill
Some thoughts on last week:
Put $5 on the Niners, -3, last night; they still found a way to give me a heart attack at the end of the game. Thank you, Jay Cutler, for sucking (he threw his 9th Red Zone INT yesterday!). My friend Rahul said it best about this abortion of a game: “First thing I do when I get home to to make sure this game video never gets played in my DVR, again.” Talk about two terrible efforts by two mediocre bad teams setting HD football back 10 years, geesh!
Good blow-by-blow commentary from DCSports Bog on the DeAngelo Hall vs the entire Falcons sideline Royal Rumble from last Sunday’s game. The best part of all of this is the post game comments by Hall (who may sue Falcons staffers for harrassment, lol). Talk about one paranoid athlete who still holds grudges.
Apparently, only in the NFL, you can fine Chad Ochocinco $20K for having a little fun (granted, a bit inappropriate, but still hilarious) at the referees expense, but yet when you take a cheap shot at a lineman’s face, causing potential career and life threatening injury while he can’t defend himself, you ONLY get fined $7,500 dollars. WTF?
Granted it was entertaining, but the Final Table of the 2009 WSOP sure won’t help the “poker is a game of skill” cause! What a monkey-poo flinging contest!
Here is one of my favorite articles: The Not-SO Madden A 2010 Team. Great line on WR Yamon Figurs, an overall 39 in the game:
Most embarrassing stat: 40 rating for Awareness. With that kind of Awareness rating, I’m surprised Yamon even remembers to bring his helmet to the game.
Wow, I didn’t know women’s soccer could be so chippy. Watching that video reminded me of the Celtics/Sixers-Piston-Lakers brawls of the late 80’s. Maybe DeAngelo Hall could get some tackling tips from the New Mexico defender.
Onto the picks:
NCAA:
I am contemplating taking the first half under of South Carolina vs Florida game (22). It still may be too low for my tastes, but the Gamecocks are good at keeping things close at the half, and then imploding like Steve Spurrier trying to get out of the sand bunker on 15.
NFL:
TB@MIA Over 43
I think the Ronnie and Ricky show could beat this by themselves with Tampa’s piss poor defense. Miami is also prone to giving up a big play or 3.
NO -14 @ St. Louis
Simmons convinced me here. Plus I also had a nice big win putting 45 on Indy -13.5 earlier in the year vs the Rams, who lost 42-3. Yeah, I’ll take the motivated favorite here who didn’t play their best vs Carolina last week.
6 Point Teaser of the Week:
Arizona vs Seattle –2.5
Cincinnati @ PIT +13
Week 9 Quick Picks
Before the picks, here’s my tip of the week: Josh Duhamel, if you are going to cheat on your wife, make sure it’s not with a stripper that works at an Atlanta club called, “Tattletales”, and certainly don’t act like you are susprised that news got out after knowing said strip club name.
It’s almost as bad as the Las Vegas SemiPro special teamer who tackles his own punt returner. “Oh wait, he’s on my own team? Shit!”
Onto the picks:
NCAA:
South Carolina/Arkansas under 54
NFL:
Philly -3 vs Dallas
Betting against Romo on the road? Yes, plz!
Detroit ML +400 @ Seattle
5 to win 25? Why not?
6 pt Teaser:
ATL -4 vs Redskins
CIN +9 vs BAL
Week 8 Rambling Drill
First, I must comment on the upcoming NBA season, which could turn out to be one of the most fun in memory. I gotta say it’s been real fun betting against Mike Brown, as I took the Raptors +3 in their first home game versus the Cavs. I really don’t gamble on NBA that much, especially not at the volume I bet on NFL and College FB, although thanks to a tip from our resident L.A. Clipper fan Van Tran last year, I was able to pay two months rent thanks to his “Bet the under in the first half; over in the second half when Clippers are at home” strategy that went 10-1 (only loss was to the Pacers). This trend was lucrative last year, mostly thanks to two things that spell NBA betting success: losing your best player to inury (Baron Davis), and Mike Dunleavy being involved in any way shape or form. I felt this was how to have betting success in the NBA: get tips from a true fan of the team, and come to a sensible conclusion thanks to those tips. Van Tran to me in a poker game: “Mike doesn’t even coach the team in the second half, they just play a game of pick up out there!” A team with shaky yet talented personnel and no coaching? Sounds like the money truck is backing up with that statement to me! Anyone know a bookie?
Granted, however, the most optimal strategy to bet on NBA games? Knowing a referee of course! Here’s an excerpt from the book-that-won’t-be-published-but-should-be-because-there-is-this-thing-called-the-1st-amendment that I will immediately buy once it is on the shelves (even though the guy is a degenerate felon, but I really am fascinated by this shit):
Allen Iverson provides a good example of a player who generated strong reaction, both positive and negative, within the corps of NBA referees. For instance, veteran referee Steve Javie hated Allen Iverson and was loathe [sic] to give him a favorable call. If Javie was on the court when Iverson was playing, I would always bet on the other team to win or at least cover the spread. No matter how many times Iverson hit the floor, he rarely saw the foul line. By contrast, referee Joe Crawford had a grandson who idolized Iverson. I once saw Crawford bring the boy out of the stands and onto the floor during warm-ups to meet the superstar. Iverson and Crawford’s grandson were standing there, shaking hands, smiling, talking about all kinds of things. If Joe Crawford was on the court, I was pretty sure Iverson’s team would win or at least cover the spread.
All this times, poker player and seasoned NBA bettor Haralabos Voulgaris was betting games based on charts and graphs, and I bet games based on an NBA knowledge I had accrued due to years of collecting basketball cards and countless hours running plays in the NBA Live series (like knowing the fact that Shaq defending the pick and roll vs Damon Stoudimire/R.Wallace in NBA Live 2001 was like watching a retard trying to learn karate). And all this time the optimal strategy was to simply know either Tim Donaghy, or the ball boy that his crew tipped, based on a prop bet the referee crew placed before the game. It’s as if Van, Darts, and Allen were in the souls of these refs, personally placing bets on the games WHILE that officiated them. “(whistle blows) Loose Ball Foul on 45! $20 on the white board at the Castle!” It’s sickening, hilarious, and shocking all at the same time. And a lot like when I read Canseco’s book, “Juiced”, I really do feel he’s not completely bullshitting on this one because me and my NBA friends (all 6 of us) have been saying the same shit about Dick Bavetta for years. The NBA, Where Rigged Happens.
NFL thoughts on last week:
Is this LB button truck stick hit by Adrian Peterson considered a hate crime?
Reggie Bush hitting the right trigger stick+Y to score a great TD versus the Dolphins
Daniel Synder pulling off his best Communist China Mao impression
Great story from Mister Irrelivant about the Synder sign lynchings:
Last night I was at my first Skins Monday Night game. I went with a couple friends, but knew I needed to take an Anti-Snyder banner with me. Problem was I couldn’t come up with anything clever until just before I left for the game. My brother texted me the perfect idea for a sign to play off on the whole Sherman Lewis bingo thing. I whipped up a quick “Snyder…B-I-N-GO F Yourself” sign on a bed sheet so everybody could see it.
In the third quarter, one of my friends and I took out the banner and were holding it up. Next thing I know, four security guys are coming up both sets of stairs and headed right for us. They take my banner and tell us we have to leave the stadium. On the way out a bunch of people in the section are taking pictures and chanting “Free Speech!”
Once we got to the concourse area they asked for my ID, which I quickly tried to pass off to a friend. One of the security guys snatched my wallet and wrote down my drivers license info in his little black book. I guess that means means I’m banned from the stadium or something. They then escorted my three friends and I all the way from the 400 level out to the front gate. I tried to talk to them about the whole situation but they weren’t having it — too busy being serious security guys, I guess.
So, long story short, I got my point across, they took my banner, I probably got banned for life and I got to leave the game early. Good thing too, it was an awful game.
The Redskins looked so lax on offense on Monday Night; Jaws said it best that the team just doesn’t have any urgency. Maybe they need some athletes, some spark, and someone ready to kick some ass and take names later, as in while doing a somersault backflip. Who do I suggest? Kurt Thomas (not the one from the NBA who has 3 DUIs), who practices the greatest form of karate known to man: GymKata (as narrated by Don LaFontaine). You know Reggie Bush walks up the steps in his mansion using just his hands!
The picks for the week:
Jax/Ten Under 45
Wait, you are telling me I get to bet an under, above 40, with games involving both David Garrard AND Vince Young!
Philadelphia +1 vs NYG
I like taking home teams in coin flips, although this happens to be my smallest play of the week.
GB +3 vs MIN
Agree with Lou, and the statement above.
6 pt teaser of the week:
ATL +16.5 @ NO
IND -7 vs SF
Week 7 Rambling Drill
Didn’t get a chance to catch many games last week thanks to me and my buddy Greg going to that abortion of an effort the Titans put on Sunday in a 59-0 rout by my Pats. The game, by far, had to be the worst weather I have ever seen a game in. It, however, was an enjoyable experience. The highlights included:
Checking out the 3 story Pro Bass and Hunting Shop in Patriot Place before the tailgate was open. It featured a arcade shooting gallery, a 10 foot fish tank filled with cool looking trout, stripers and bass, sections for both boats AND grills/smokers, as well as a section (in the back, ironically) that sold guns. I got a chance to hold a 9mm Smith and Wesson Gloc, which weighed as much as my head, which enabled me to live out my dream, even for 5 minutes, to feel like Plaxico Burress. Except I didn’t shoot myself in the leg; I left that task to LenDale White later in the ballgame (not only did he fumble two handoffs, but also had to be carried off the field with a knee Maybe its time to get back on the Cuervo train, LenDale).
Our tailgate efforts became an epic fail after about a half hour when the rain started to pick up. Before then, however, we were talking about how cool it was the constituents of Massachusetts voted on decriminalizing marijuana, and how that could lead to it being legal completely in California. The guys next to us overheard, and just handed us a free gram of their homegrown to try!
Then we had to get in the car because the hail started to come. Then the 40 mph winds. Then it became snow, and the temperature dipped about 20 degrees in 45.9 seconds. It was like the weather in the Adrian Peterson Nike commercial. Thank god for satellite radio, beer, and weed to keep us entertained before we got inside.
Then, around 3:30, we headed in. This was also when the storm was at its worst. Winds up to 60 mph. Snow AND sleet pounding our face, as if they were sharp knives thrown by flying ninja monkeys. Walking into the stadium was an adventure, I got blown down from the wind a few times. I saw a girl slip and fall on her ass, and watched a couple of under dressed dudes (one with a hole in his shoe) stave off hypothermia by chugging a flask of whiskey on their way into Gillette. It was awesome and intimidating at the same time. The only thing left missing in our short adventure of a walk to our seats was a labyrinth, guarded by a Minotaur wearing a John Hannah jersey on throwback day, on the way into the stadium.
Once in the stadium, we felt the best thing to do in this winter wonderland was to get a beverage; nothing says, “freeze my nuts off” more like Margaritas, baby! Nine bucks a pop is steep, but they were actually quite delicious. Also delicious were the cheerleaders, dressed up in slutty outfits for Halloween day at the stadium in this horrid weather. Somewhere, feminists were angry, but seeing a 20-something, with a forced smile, getting paid 46 bucks to wear a Wonder Woman thong-outfit dancing to AC/DC’s, “Thunderstuck” while losing the nerves in her feet, makes me proud as an American. We both cheered, “Hooray, America!” and happily agreed (at this point, the smiles were frozen on our face) that this is what our fore fathers fought for.
That song is also the exact point of the game the Titans decided to mentally get back on the bus. I was happy, because this also provided a fantasy freeroll as I have Chris Johnson (who had 104 yds rushing) in my 14-man league, and didn’t have to worry about my selfish monetary conflicts affecting my fandom. This is why I don’t have Yankees on my fantasy baseball team; and also why I have never cashed in any of my fantasy baseball leagues.
There was one play where the Pats where on their 15th consecutive TD drive (they got 33 first downs!), Keith Bullock had to call timeout at the Titans 5 yard line. He just put his hands up in the air towards the Titans bench, placed his hands on his hips, and slowly tilted his head down in epic failure. And it was awesome.
Although on the way home (we left with about 10 minutes left in the 4th), I was listening to the radio call by the Pats play-by-play guys, and have never heard the following from Gil Santos: “Titans on their own 15 yard line, 1st and 10. Snap, Young hands off to Javon Ringer, and he is……oh my, the poor thing……..just swallowed up at the 13 by 7 Patriots defenders. This is awful, just horrible. They really just need to kneel on the ball and pack it in. The kid doesn’t deserve this, he’s just a rookie. Sums just the game right there, Geno.” Geno: “Yup, time for Jeff Fisher to start a drinking habit!” (OK, I made that up, but pretty much implied in that statement).
Although when I got home to thaw out my balls, I had the pleasure of catching NFL Gameday, my new favorite show. I was pleased to hear Rich Eisen, Deion Sanders, and Coach Mariucci snicker not once, but twice, when Eisen was describing Vikings’ TE Visanthe Shiancoe, “popping out on a valve route” or “dangling around the back of the end zone”. It also featured thehighlight 3-block play of Louis Murphy on Zach Miller’s TD catch, which pretty much should be shown to every want-to-be football player in America. Just awesome.
The DeSean Jackson Award of the week goes to Alabama Safety Mark Barron (video around 2:23), who (thanks to going up again inept at times Gamecocks’ coach Steve Spurrier, who should have challenged) threw the ball backwards on one of only 2 TDs in the game (hit the under!). The video doesn’t show it real well, but on ESPN’s reverse wire camera angle, it is clear he throws the ball backwards at around the 1 yard line. Why do kids do this? Is it because the SEC is so nitty on celebrations, that instead of doing a dance, they throw the ball backwards near the goalline? I’d rather take the penalty and the points!
Roger Goodell wants to not only have the Super Bowl in London, but also a team. No, no, and no. Just stupid. The Brits don’t care, they have commie roundball in form of the Barclay’s Premier League to watch. No player would want to play there, the road trips would be brutal (imagine a 10-12 hour road trip to San Diego? What would the line be for the London Tallywhackers, +20?), and the weather is shitty. If they ever have the Super Bowl in London, just call it the Super Bowel, because that is what it would be. How about the rotation of New Orleans/San Diego/Miami/Vegas? So much better destinations!
Onto the picks:
College 6pt Teaser:
LSU -2 vs Auburn
USC -14.5 vs Oregon State
NFL:
Oakland +6.5 vs NY Jets
Oakland, I guess, IS a professional football team! I have to bet on Louis Murphy’s boys here getting the job done. The Jets are 1-10 in Oakland, their only win coming in the AFL era under Namath in the 1960’s. Not only that, they may start to hate their coach, who seems more and more shaky as they lose each week. Maybe if he didn’t call a team’s gameplan (one that beat him) a “gimmick”, and maybe had a sense of humor like Jeff Fisher, his players wouldn’t be so down on themselves when things start going bad in games. Plus they have no Kris Jenkins, big day for Fargas and Bush, methinks. Plus, Sanchez and J.Russell’s combined QB rating will be at around 19.5…..the under is 34.5 (lol).
Indianapolis -13.5 @ St.Louis
It’s in a dome, off a bye week with Freeney getting healthy, and Bob Sanders is back. And the Colts, unlike the Jaguars, are actually a good football team. I wonder if Mark Bulger says to Kyle Boller, “Hey, you want a few snaps? I have to check up on how Peyton is doing on my fantasy team.”
GB -7/-9 @ Cleveland
I got this at -7 before the flu hit Cleveland’s locker room. Their best player, DT Shawn Rogers, is questionable. I’d still take the 9….. Green Bay knows it needs to beat up on the creampuffs on its schedule to have any shot of making the division close with Minny, who they play in a few weeks in Lambeau.
6pt teaser of the Week:
KC +11 vs San Diego
NYG -1 vs Arizona
Week 6 Rambling Drill
Few thoughts on last week:
I went 1-4 on SEC plays last week (ended up taking the under 44 in LSU/FLA as I was on tilt after near misses early in the day). I ended up breaking even on Saturday thanks to that and the Dodgers sweeping St. Louis, who I had @ +125 WITH home field advantage (Don’t the bookies have ESPN? Where every night/morning SportsCenter would lead off with highlights of Andre Either celebrating with his teammates at home plate with weekly walk-offs at Dodger Stadium? Am I missing something here?).
I however KILLED it on NFL this Sunday, going 5-0 and hitting all of my teasers, mostly thanks to Cincy (now known by Gus Johnson as the “Cardiac Cats!”, and yes, with the exclamation point) helping me complete not only the teasers I mentioned last week, but I also gambled it up with a 4 team teaser at +350 and hit that too. Hopefully I can keep the roll going. Here are some random thoughts on the week:
The Browns winning a game with only 2 completions has to now place the Bills as a lead nominee for “The Darwin Awards”. How can you only score 3 points, at home (granted with some of that swirling, crazy wind in Northern NY) against a team who not only is lacking in talent, but also smarts. Just take a look at this quote from Defensive Captain D’Qwell Jackson:
Browns linebacker and co-captain D’Qwell Jackson was among the most stunned by the Browns 0-3 start. “Every year I think we’re going to go 16-0, so I’m shocked that we’re 0-3.”
I’m not, D’Qwell. Granted maybe you have more faith in your teammates than I do, but seriously, 16-0? At least say something somewhat attainable, like 10-6 or something. The fact you can’t recognize your team blows maybe proves that the dementia that esteemed journalist Malcolm Gladwell wrote about in The New Yorker this week maybe is more of a problem than we thought. I certainly can, and plan to profit off of it!
Andre Johnson is a beast. That is all.
Dre Bly epically failing to be Deion Sanders.
Dre, this is how it is done (or maybe not….maybe this is where the “Hunter Smith: whitest player” beef came from?).
Poor form, Donnie Avery. Not only do you celebrate with a gay-ish dance after scoring a TD late in the 4th (which is OK I guess, the Rams will be lucky to score 10 TDs this year), down 31-3….you then push away your teammate (former Cowboys Hard Knocker) Danny Amendola, which can’t look good to your teammates, coaches, and the fans of the Rams. And Yes, I will blatantly admit I was giddy to type in the phrase, “Hard Knocker”, all week. Avery gets the Double Facepalm Player of the Week award.
Onto the picks:
Alabama/South Carolina Under 45
Big game in the SEC between two really good defensive teams, and two very vanilla offenses. Only offensive scare will be outstanding Alabama return man Javier Arenas versus a piss poor South Carolina special teams unit.
Jackonsville, -9.5, vs St. Louis.
Mo-Jones-Drew is pissed, St.Louis blows, is 0-5, and has no road TDs, they have the bad karma of Donnie Avery working against them, and Jacksonville is coming off a 41-0 loss @ Seattle. I always remember my dad saying, “Beware of the team that gets blown out a week before and is playing at home. They will play harder the week after, not only for pride, but if anything, to shut the coaches up from yelling at them in the meetings”.
Philly -14 @ Oakland
The aforementioned quote from my dad applies to professional, and even college, teams. Oakland is neither.
Bears @ Atlanta Over 46
This probably gets smashed around the 3rd quarter.
Teasers of the Week (6 point):
KC @ WAS +12
GB -7.5 vs DET
AND
HOU +11 @ CIN
NYJ -4 vs BUF
Week 5 Rambling Drill
To start off the week, I give Johnny Knox the DeSean Jackson Award for the most stupid pre-touchdown celebration. He was lucky Detroit, as Lou pointed out, was in the middle of their “worst 2nd half, ever” and didn’t challenge the play (by rule, if Detroit recovers and the whistle is blown, they get the ball at the 1).
The Lions may want to work on their kickoff coverage, maybe they should hire the Bears ball boy.
I have become accustomed to betting (and winning) on SEC division football games over the last year. I usually take SEC home dogs, and also the under. These games are usually intense, full of defenses with players who will play on Sundays, middle-of-the-road teams with an offensive star who usually also gets drafted, and full of football coaches who can recruit, but have no idea how to manage the game or even do simple A-B-C playcalling.
For example, like when Les Miles, on the road in a tough place in Athens and up 6-0, not only decided to go for it on 4th and 1 from the 21 with the most vanilla QB sneak play formation, ever, versus a Georgia team with a strong D-Line (memo to coaches on the road; this means you, Jim Zorn: TAKE THE FUCKING FIELD GOAL), but also decided to kneel on the ball with 11 seconds left and 1 timeout, from the Georgia 33. Instead of trying a TD pass or at least try to steal a long field goal before the half ends, he kneels on it. Instead of it potentially being 12-0, it’s 6-0. This type of coaching is what helps you hit the under.
You must be careful of the referees, however, in college football. They have a way of calling the most ticky-tac unsportsmanlike penalties at the worst times to give bettors a sweat. The unintentional comedy moment of the week was when SEC on CBS analyst Gary Danielson was critiquing the TD “celebration” of an LSU running back in slow motion replay. “Oh, there he is, going to the mouth with his finger, yup, you gotta call that. I guess. He maybe should of went with the Running Man, Verne. It’s more subtle but yet captures the emotion of the moment.”
OK, I made that last part up, but you know what I mean. His main quote that really put the point home was, “the only thing I see excessive is the flags”. Last week, there was not one but two 15 yard unsportsmanlike calls at the end of touchdowns late in the forth quarter that almost resulted in a 6-0 game with 7 minutes to go, turn into a 20-20 game that heads into overtime, killing my under bet of 50. Thankfully, I was betting against Georgia QB Joe Cox, who not only is terrible, but also looks like Fire Marshall Bill from In Living Color. The Tigers held on, 20-13.
One of my SEC plays is Ole Miss +5 at home, versus Alabama. Ole Miss doesn’t play 60 minutes all the time, and Houston Nutt can give bettors a heart attack as evidenced by his “timeout with season on the line, let’s call a screen” debacle. But the Ole Miss Rebels usually pull off one big upset per year in the SEC (most of the middle tier teams do), and Alabama, a team who has limited personnel on offense minus WR Julio Jones, is a prime candidate to put up an offensive stinker on the road. The only worry is Nick Saban is one of the few coaches in the SEC who manages the game properly, but that just means Alabama, if they win, will take it down in a nail biter. I like the Rebels with the points here.
I also have a juicy teaser with South Carolina -4 at home versus Kentucky (by far the worst team in the SEC) and LSU +13.5 at home versus Florida (who may or may not have Tim Tebow). This will be, by far, Florida’s biggest test minus the SEC championship on their title run. LSU has a mediocre offense, but their defense is full of playmakers, including outstanding CB Jordan Jefferson. The under is at 44, which may be a bit low. If Tebow doesn’t play, then I might consider taking that too.
Speaking of South Carolina, if you are ever golfing and hit your ball into the water hazard (I’m talking to you, Allen Gowin), do not, I repeat, DO NOT put your hand in the hazard to get your ball. Although if this does ever happen to you, Allen, I am legally changing your name to Chubbs Peterson.
If you need a reason to dislike the Yankees, this article will give you plenty of reasons to. An article which also touches on the subject of sports slowly creeping away from our culture consciousness thanks to rising ticket prices across the board, and tickets even being used as bribes for business deals, here’s an example of the type of Yankee fan that attends the games today in the best of seats in the Stadium:
Inevitably, one group of equity traders — they worked at Fidelity — got caught. The thing that finally brought the whole thing to a close was a 2003 bachelor party for one of the traders. Everyone heard about it: private jets to Miami, a yacht, a bag of Ecstasy, a warren of rooms at the uber-exclusive Delano Hotel, some hookers, some strippers, some red meat, medium-rare. Oh, and one midget, named Danny Black, to toss off the boat. All told, $160,000 for a weekend at the beach.
“It wasn’t like a three-ring circus,” groused the father-in-law of the groom, disgraced Tyco executive Dennis Kozlowski, to the tabloids at the time. “It was a nice party. There was only one dwarf.”
Now onto the picks for the week:
Cincinnati/Baltimore under 42
Miami +110 Money Line
Seattle Pk versus Jacksonville (if you can find it)
Two 6 point Teasers of the week:
ATL +8 @ SF
NYG -9 vs OAK
and
CIN +14.5 @ BAL
MIN -4 @ StL
I think Brett Favre found a new sponsor
At least he’ll be up to score 25 points for my fantasy team tonight.
Week 4 Rambling Drill
We almost had a miracle cover last week, but it was Jake Delhomme and the Panthers trying to cover the 6.5 as they drove down the field, trying for a meaningless touchdown late in their 21-7 loss to the Cowboys. This was maybe one of the worst games, if not only the year, but also the century, and I was not a better man for watching it (although I somehow faded F.Jones, S.Smith, and D.Williams in my fantasy games. Thank you, shitty football teams).
Speaking of mediocrity, Lou suggested this week during a Kelly’s Roast Beef run, wouldn’t it be fun if Sports Illustrated, as they do for champion teams, offered a video package for losing teams as well? Imagine the hilarity that would ensue! You are watching the MNF on ESPN, and suddenly a commercial comes on: “Mets fans! Subscribe or renew your SI package now, and get for free, “Epic Fail: The Story of the 2009 New York Mets! Call within the next 30 minutes, and get an autographed picture of Mets’ 2B Luis Castillo dropping a fly ball 3rd out at second base versus the Yankees!”
Some other suggestions include:
“Oh Butters!: The Story of the 2009 Cleveland Indians. Call within 25 minutes, and get a glove signed by Jhonny Peralta that has a large hole in it.”
“What the Fuck is Going On?: The Story of the 2009 Kansas City Chiefs/Oakland Raiders. Two crappy teams for one low price (although video is the same length due to lack of highlights)! Call now and get a ticket to attend sensitivity training with Raiders’ coach Tom Cable and Chiefs’ coach Todd Haley!”
“Different Coach, Same Ole’ Shit: The Story of the 2009 Cleveland Browns. Call within 30 minutes, and not only will you get an autographed picture of Braylon Edwards welcoming you to the locker room, one lucky caller will get a chance to coach the Browns for the final game of the season after Eric Mangini gets fired! Call today!”
We did have a miracle cover in football land, however it wasn’t in Pro or College football. In an epic high school football tilt in Vermont between Mt.Mansfield and Otter Valley (+3) ended in a last second touchdown for Mt.Mansfield, securing the win and the miracle cover. Somewhere out there, DeSean Jackson feels a little better about himself. So does Jake Delhomme; at least when he throws the ball away, he’s throwing it forward.
Finally before the picks, me, Lou, and the Degen Boys headed out for some Friday Night Football in Cambridge to see the Brown Bears (+3, as set by our own crew, although Darts argued that it should of been +4. We also had the over/under line move 2 and half points in 1.5 seconds; that’s what happens when degens are riding dirty (#6) to a college football game) take on the Harvard Crimson.
Harvard ended up holding on at the end of the game, 24-21, as Brown, who (I guess) had a shitty field goal kicker, decided to throw a Hail Mary instead of kicking a 42 yard field goal in the waning seconds. Brown’s main problem was they could only run it with consistency, not throw it, with their “White Cat” attack: a WildCat formation that featured all 11 players being white. A Rams fan at the bar suggested we call this personnel package: “The Snow Leopard”. Done and done.
Here are my picks for the week:
Indianapolis +10.5 vs Seattle
The Colts will destroy this team at home. Their offense is playing great, and Seattle is led by Seneca Wallace and Jim Mora Jr. After reading Lou’s blurb on the Seahawks, that’s all you need to know to put money down.
Oakland @ Houston Over 42
Oakland has a shitty offense, but both teams have shittier defenses. I see the Texans winning, 40-17.
6 point Tease of the Week:
Miami +8 vs Buffalo
NYG -3 @ KC Chiefs
Quick preview of next week’s MIN@GB tilt
I guess people in Wisconsin are still bitter. Especially after what happened Sunday with the Vikes.
Week 3 Rambling Rant Drill
Some thoughts on Week 2, College and Pro:
Hey, Houston Texans, here’s a tip: it might be a good idea to cover that Chris Johnson guy (clip starts at around 00:38). Looks like they need someone who can point this out to them: they need to hire Gus Johnson as their defensive coordinator to yell at their malaise personnel. “Chris Johnson motions out of the backfield…….NOBODY IS COVERING HIM! NOBODY IS COVERING CHRIS JOHNSON!”
I am more and more impressed by the Ravens and Joe Flacco, who may have found an offense this year to go with that defense, as proved in their 31-26 shootout win over San Diego. A completely healthy Todd Heap makes that offense so much better, especially if Willis McGahee also stays healthy. I think they are going to have to start making a beer with Joe Flacco’s face on the label called, “UniBrau”.
Tony Sporano, who by far has probably coached the worst 4th quarter so far this year, somehow found a way to possess the ball for 45 minutes and still lose, 27-23, to the Colts on Monday Night Football. How? Well, first, by mostly blitzing Manning 5 out of 6 plays during the Colts’ last drive (on the TD play, he audibled into a bubble screen to WR Pierre Garcon, video starts at around 3:28, on a blitz everyone and their mother knew was coming). Then after that disaster, he has his team run a 2 minute drill that would make Andy Reid, Herm Edwards, and Brad Childress all collectively jealous. I don’t know who looks more organized, the Dolphins trying to run a 2 minute drill, or the cast of retards from the Johnny Knoxville film, “The Ringer”.
Mike Lombardi’s blog covers the epic fail very well. I think a perfect title for NFL Films’ Miami Dolphins 2009 Season Highlights would be: “Back to Earth”.
(Yes, I bet the under in a game where one team holds the ball for 45 minutes. Yes, I am still bitter).
Notre Dame had 14 guys on the field last week. This LOL moment brought to you by Pepto Bismol: “Pepto Bismol, the official indigestion drink that’s caused by high anxiety of probably losing your job at the end of the year of Charlie Weis!”
At least I didn’t bet on Houston Nutt’s Ole Miss Rebels yesterday (had South Carolina, +5, and the under, 52.5, in a 16-10 win) . My god, talk about poor coaching, and never mind the illegal shift AND illegal substitution penalties they had on 4th and 19 during their drive at the end of the game. The Rebels, on 4th and 6 with about 5:52 to go in the 4th, almost get a delay of game penalty, so they have to waste one of their 3 timeouts. But that can be good at times, right? Get a chance to diagram your best play in a key point of the game, right? I just wonder whose idea it was in the huddle to go, “Well, you know we need 6 yards, so……let’s call a bubble screen to the halfback 3 yards in the backfield. Shit, if we think he can get 6, he can certainly get 9 against a top SEC defense!”.
BTW, according to Pat Darts, whenever South Carolina scores a touchdown, you have to finish your beer. Trust me, I watch the games with my buddy Allen almost every week…………….you won’t be drinking much.
In the Lombardi blog as well, Lou pointed out to me that the Redskins, up 9-7 in the 4th quarter, actually went for it on 4th and 2 from the Rams’ 2 yard-line in their 9-7 win on Sunday. Just take the 3 points, Jim Zorn! Doesn’t he know the Redskins only get offense when they’re an underdog that needs to cover the spread? As Lombardi mentions, “My man Ray Gustini never makes this mistake on Madden. How can you not remember this and just kick the field goal and make it a five- point game?” (This also proves my point that I could be just a good, or better, professional head football coach, using my extensive Madden 2010 experience and 45-15 record on XBOX360 live as reference).
All this points to me loading up on Detroit this week. Get em in a teaser, take the points (+6), take the money line (+220). I mean, if Jim Schwartz can’t put on the film of the scene above during preparation, and go to his guys and say, “Look, fellas, if we can’t beat a team this flawed this week, we’re probably going 0-16 again”, and that doesn’t motivate them, I don’t know what will.
Here are the picks:
Detroit +6/+220 Money Line (I’m taking the ML, but I like to gambol).
Miami/San Diego Over 44
Teaser of the Week (6pt):
Indianapolis +8 @ Arizona
Baltimore -7.5 vs Cleveland
