Category: NFL

2009 Week 9 NFL Picks

Loving Pat’s “fun units.” It sounds like a groupie nickname for an NBA team. As usual, follow these at your own risk.

Detroit +10 @ Seattle

Too many points for one crap team against another. Fully aware this means backing Matthew Stafford on the road.

Tennessee @ San Francisco -4

I don’t understand this line at all. Clements and Staley are out for SF but I don’t think it will matter.

Dallas @ Philadelphia -3

See Sean’s comments for this one.

Van “Lucky Man” Tran – NFL Week 9

So Van dodges a bullet because the three picks yesterday were all good.  That puts us up 75 fun units for yesterday, let’s try to keep things moving.  For good or bad, here are the NFL plays…

Kansas City (+6.5) @ Jacksonville

This is just a line that immediately stuck out to me in looking at things yesterday.  It is one of those where you hear your inner voice saying, “oh hell, jacksonville is going to cover that.”  Since we are hot at the moment I will trust that inner voice.

Miami (+10.5) @ New England

Now I really do not want to bet on this game, but Vegas is not making that a viable option with this line.  This is just flat out too high.  I know the Pats are playing very well right now but this line essentially means the Pats have to win by two touchdowns and that is a lot of points against a very solid Miami team.  I do not love this bet by any means, but I feel my hand is being forced.

Detroit (+10) @ Seattle

I just do not see the Lions doing too much offensively in this game.  Stafford on the road against a veteran team and hostile crowd makes me see something like 27-10 Seattle.

Week 9 Quick Picks

Before the picks, here’s my tip of the week: Josh Duhamel, if you are going to cheat on your wife, make sure it’s not with a stripper that works at an Atlanta club called, “Tattletales”, and certainly don’t act like you are susprised that news got out after knowing said strip club name.

It’s almost as bad as the Las Vegas SemiPro special teamer who tackles his own punt returner. “Oh wait, he’s on my own team?  Shit!”

Onto the picks:


South Carolina/Arkansas under 54


Philly -3 vs Dallas

Betting against Romo on the road? Yes, plz!

Detroit ML +400 @ Seattle

5 to win 25? Why not?

6 pt Teaser:

ATL -4 vs Redskins

CIN +9 vs BAL

Thursday/Friday Links

“Mr. Steinbrenner deserves another championship.” – Joe Girardi

Halloween winners on the subway in Boston.

I love this headline: FAT footballers to receive free Big Macs in Thai sponsorship deal. Somehow, I’m not sure this is exactly the best idea…

Thailand’s top footballers will receive free burgers as part of their new three-year, £545,000 sponsorship deal with the fast food giant McDonald’s.

According to the Football Association of Thailand (FAT), McDonald’s will provide £450,000 in cash and the rest in products in exchange for shirt sponsorship for the next three years, starting this month.

And in case you were wondering, soccer from random countries is entertaining.

If I can read weird text correctly, I believe Botev pulled off a late 1-0 win, but it’s not the goals we’re interested in. No sir, it’s the rioting. Not only did players and backroom staff from both teams decamp to the pitch for some punching, shoving, and colourful language, but the fans in the stands got in on the act as well, setting fire to random bits of the stadium.

This is what I believe to be the first mention & link to a story about Larry Bird since this blog’s inception.

The Warriors fail at hazing.

Some thoughts on 2009’s best fielders in baseball. That Pujols guy is pretty good.

Lastly, this just about ruined my day.

NFL Week 9 Early Leans & Stats of the Week

Early Leans: None

We did start to see a return to form this week as average teams (SF, ATL) should not be getting double digit points away to anyone (IND, NO). Below average teams should not be laying 2 touchdowns plus against anyone (SD). That said, the early lines still look like a mess, but this is coming from someone who’s been setting money on fire for two months straight.

Slightly less early leans:

Tennessee @ San Francisco -4
This line should be closer to -6. Something isn’t right here and it’s likely the fact that LT Joe Staley and CB Nate Clements are both out for six weeks.

Detroit +10 @ Seattle
This is too many points for one awful team against another one.

Stats of the Week

1) Aaron Rodgers leads all QBs in rushing yards with 188 on 29 carries and in QB rating (110.4).

2) The Titans Chris Johnson is now averaging 6.9 yards per carry.

3) The Saints have scored 273 points through 7 games, leading the NFL and on pace to score 624. The 2007 Patriots hold the all time NFL record with 589 (36.8/game).

4) San Francisco tight end Vernon Davis now leads the NFL in receiving touchdowns with 7. He’s caught all four of Alex Smith’s TD passes this year.

5) The Dolphins won versus the Jets Sunday despite being outgained on offense 378-104.

6) The Oakland Raiders have scored an NFL low 6 touchdowns through 8 games.

6b) The Rams have scored exactly the same number of points through 8 games (77) as they did in their four preseason games.

7) Curtis Lofton now leads the NFL in tackles with 76.

8) The Denver Broncos with their loss to Baltimore failed to cover for the first time this season.

8b) Despite their win last night versus Atlanta, New Orleans failed to cover for the first time this season.

9) Week 9 should theoretically be a good week for the NFL. Oakland, St. Louis, Buffalo and Cleveland are all on bye.

10) Number of players suspended by both the NFL and UFL: 1. Come on down Koren Robinson!

2009 Week 8 NFL Picks

Denver/Baltimore Over 41.5
This is a completely neutral point total (NFL average is 42) despite the fact that neither defense is particularly good.

Houston @ Buffalo +3.5
Home underdog being shunned here against a team with a history of sucking on the road. Probably should take the moneyline here (+175ish) but I’m not that smart.

Miami +3 @ NY Jets
Still like the way Miami matches up here. It’s hard to scheme against power which is what the Dolphins are going to run the whole game.

Bonus 3-team teaser sure to fail:

Seattle @ Dallas +0.5
Carolina @ Arizona EV
Atlanta @ New Orleans -1

Parlaying all 3 moneylines here is essentially the same bet but pays out 10-12% less.

Passing Oakland and San Francisco. On Showtime’s Inside the NFL, there was extensive video of the Raiders loss to the Jets filled with running commentary from CB Nnamdi Asomugha muttering things like “All 11 were wrong on that,” and “Bad day, bad day, bad day.” He’d be one of the most popular players in the league if he played on a winning team. And am I the only person that thinks Alex Smith and Shaun Hill should platoon? Smith is capable of some of the most spectacularly bad interceptions outside of Jake Delhomme and I really don’t see how sitting on the bench for a year changes that. Hill should start and Smith should come in in relief if/when the 49ers trail and they need to complete a pass longer than 10 yards. Or maybe Hill can be converted to relief and become the first closer QB ever in the NFL? The hardest part might be find him some entrance music.

Good luck out there today.

Will you complete my teaser?

So I have decided that I want to bet the under on the South Carolina/Tennessee game.  Its around 41 I think.  But I want to tease it and I really do not like any college games too much so I am going to do the game I played two weeks ago where I try to guess the spread on games.  The game where the biggest disparity exists will become Part B for my teaser.  This is prefaced, though, where if i forget or didn’t hear about an injury or something and that affects the line I’ll probably back out of that pick and go with another game.  As always, lines provided by  Real line in bold

Houston @ Buffalo

Right off the bat a game where an injury has major implications.  Johnson is supposedly playing, though.  Im going to make this line Houston -.5 even though I know that line does not happen.  Houston minus 3.5

Browns @ Bears

Browns still a train wreck.  Bears minus 10  Bears minus 13

Seahawks @ Cowboys

Cowboys looked good last week.  Cowboys minus 7.5  Dallas minus 9.5

Rams @ Lions

Wow and yuck.  wuck.  Lions minus 3  Lions minus 4

49ers @ Colts

Not sure how Vegas is feeling with the Alex Smith situation, but Colts minus 11 sounds about right.  Indy minus 12.5

Dolphins @ Jets

Jets minus 3.  This line has to  be either 3 or 3.5  Jets minus 3.5

Giants @ Eagles

Eagles minus 3.5, pretty much the same logic as the Jets game.  Division rivals = home team field goal favorite in most cases. Giants minus 1

Broncos @ Ravens

How much respect is Vegas going to give the Denver 6-0?  That’s the question here.  Ravens minus 1  Ravens miuns 3.5

Jags @ Titans

Now going back a few games you just heard me say that biz about division rivals and field goals and blah blah.  But this game has to be an exception in my eyes.  Jags minus 1.5  Titans minus 3

Raiders @ Chargers

Oakland played well week 1 in this game.  Still, this has to be around San Diego minus 10  San Diego minus 16.5

Panthers @ Cardinals

As I was starting this blog I saw Delhomme is starting this week.  Cardinal D is looking like a legitimate fantasy option.  Cardinals minus 8  Cardinals minus 10

Vikings @ Packers.

Didn’t see the Steeler game last week but it sounded like Favre was gun slinging again at the end.  Packers minus 3  Pack minus 3

Falcons @ Saints

The Falcons have been playing pretty suspect the last couple of weeks.  Might have to bet this game regardless if the line is right.  Saints minus 7.5  Saints minus 10.5

So, according to this I have to bet on Oakland.  I don’t love it, but it’s not that horrible.  The tease will make the Raiders more than a three touchdown underdog.  If they can score two touchdowns against a San Diego defense that has been far from “lights out” this year that should pretty much get things done.  Let’s get back on the Oakland express one more week.

Week 8 Rambling Drill

First, I must comment on the upcoming NBA season, which could turn out to be one of the most fun in memory.  I gotta say it’s been real fun betting against Mike Brown, as I took the Raptors +3 in their first home game versus the Cavs.  I really don’t gamble on NBA that much, especially not at the volume I bet on NFL and College FB, although thanks to a tip from our resident L.A. Clipper fan Van Tran last year, I was able to pay two months rent thanks to his “Bet the under in the first half; over in the second half when Clippers are at home” strategy that went 10-1 (only loss was to the Pacers).  This  trend was lucrative last year, mostly thanks to two things that spell NBA betting success: losing your best player to inury (Baron Davis), and Mike Dunleavy being involved in any way shape or form.  I felt this was how to have betting success in the NBA: get tips from a true fan of the team, and come to a sensible conclusion thanks to those tips.  Van Tran to me in a poker game: “Mike doesn’t even coach the team in the second half, they just play a game of pick up out there!”  A team with shaky yet talented personnel and no coaching?  Sounds like the money truck is backing up with that statement to me!  Anyone know a bookie?

Granted, however, the most optimal strategy to bet on NBA games?  Knowing a referee of course!  Here’s an excerpt from the book-that-won’t-be-published-but-should-be-because-there-is-this-thing-called-the-1st-amendment that I will immediately buy once it is on the shelves (even though the guy is a degenerate felon, but I really am fascinated by this shit):

Allen Iverson provides a good example of a player who generated strong reaction, both positive and negative, within the corps of NBA referees. For instance, veteran referee Steve Javie hated Allen Iverson and was loathe [sic] to give him a favorable call. If Javie was on the court when Iverson was playing, I would always bet on the other team to win or at least cover the spread. No matter how many times Iverson hit the floor, he rarely saw the foul line. By contrast, referee Joe Crawford had a grandson who idolized Iverson. I once saw Crawford bring the boy out of the stands and onto the floor during warm-ups to meet the superstar. Iverson and Crawford’s grandson were standing there, shaking hands, smiling, talking about all kinds of things. If Joe Crawford was on the court, I was pretty sure Iverson’s team would win or at least cover the spread.

All this times, poker player and seasoned NBA bettor Haralabos Voulgaris was betting games based on charts and graphs, and I bet games based on an NBA knowledge I had accrued due to years of collecting basketball cards and countless hours running plays in the NBA Live series (like knowing the fact that Shaq defending the pick and roll vs Damon Stoudimire/R.Wallace in NBA Live 2001 was like watching a retard trying to learn karate).  And all this time the optimal strategy was to simply know either Tim Donaghy, or the ball boy that his crew tipped, based on a prop bet the referee crew placed before the game.  It’s as if Van, Darts, and Allen were in the souls of these refs, personally placing bets on the games WHILE that officiated them.  “(whistle blows) Loose Ball Foul on 45! $20 on the white board at the Castle!”  It’s sickening, hilarious, and shocking all at the same time.  And a lot like when I read Canseco’s book, “Juiced”, I really do feel he’s not completely bullshitting on this one because me and my NBA friends (all 6 of us) have been saying the same shit about Dick Bavetta for years.  The NBA, Where Rigged Happens.

NFL thoughts on last week:

Is this LB button truck stick hit by Adrian Peterson considered a hate crime?

Reggie Bush hitting the right trigger stick+Y to score a great TD versus the Dolphins

Daniel Synder pulling off his best Communist China Mao impression

Great story from Mister Irrelivant about the Synder sign lynchings:

Last night I was at my first Skins Monday Night game. I went with a couple friends, but knew I needed to take an Anti-Snyder banner with me. Problem was I couldn’t come up with anything clever until just before I left for the game. My brother texted me the perfect idea for a sign to play off on the whole Sherman Lewis bingo thing. I whipped up a quick “Snyder…B-I-N-GO F Yourself” sign on a bed sheet so everybody could see it.

In the third quarter, one of my friends and I took out the banner and were holding it up. Next thing I know, four security guys are coming up both sets of stairs and headed right for us. They take my banner and tell us we have to leave the stadium. On the way out a bunch of people in the section are taking pictures and chanting “Free Speech!”

Once we got to the concourse area they asked for my ID, which I quickly tried to pass off to a friend. One of the security guys snatched my wallet and wrote down my drivers license info in his little black book. I guess that means means I’m banned from the stadium or something. They then escorted my three friends and I all the way from the 400 level out to the front gate. I tried to talk to them about the whole situation but they weren’t having it — too busy being serious security guys, I guess.

So, long story short, I got my point across, they took my banner, I probably got banned for life and I got to leave the game early. Good thing too, it was an awful game.

The Redskins looked so lax on offense on Monday Night; Jaws said it best that the team just doesn’t have any urgency.  Maybe they need some athletes, some spark, and someone ready to kick some ass and take names later, as in while doing a somersault backflip.  Who do I suggest?  Kurt Thomas (not the one from the NBA who has 3 DUIs), who practices the greatest form of karate known to man: GymKata (as narrated by Don LaFontaine). You know Reggie Bush walks up the steps in his mansion using just his hands!

The picks for the week:

Jax/Ten Under 45

Wait, you are telling me I get to bet an under, above 40, with games involving both David Garrard AND Vince Young!

Philadelphia +1 vs NYG

I like taking home teams in coin flips, although this happens to be my smallest play of the week.

GB +3 vs MIN

Agree with Lou, and the statement above.

6 pt teaser of the week:

ATL +16.5 @ NO

IND -7 vs SF

Thursday Links – Free Snuggie!

“The biggest things in life have been achieved by people who, at the start, we would have judged crazy. And yet if they had not had these crazy ideas the world would have been more stupid.” – Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger.

Wenger may not have been referring to the Snuggie specifically in the quote above, but it certainly applies. Fewer products have been loved, mocked, and the subject of pub crawls as much as the Snuggie. And as much as I appreciate being able to answer a corded phone without removing my blanket or attending a sporting event dressed like a monk, I was not about to pay $20 for the privilege of doing so (free book light excluded).

But now, for a limited time only, the Snuggie is free. No, I’m not making that up. Get one here.

These are all excellent questions: Why teach a bear to ice skate? Can a bear do a triple salchow? How does the bear skate–four legs or two? And why, given that it already has sharp claws and teeth, would anyone strap blades on a bear?

A happy ending for the week’s most infamous Phillies fan.

Antoine Walker – Money Manager


(718): what happened last night?
(917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
(718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

Many more of those here.

Redskin & Vegas Fail

In case you haven’t noticed, the Redskins have become the most entertaining team in football.

The owner, Daniel Snyder, is widely reviled in Washington, and for good reason. He meddles, bullies, and trusts his own football judgment too much. John Kent Cooke, who ran the team before Snyder purchased it about a decade ago, remarked recently that Snyder had “destroyed the franchise.” Fans did not generally receive this comment as hyperbole. The issue is not the team’s performance on the field, dismal as that is. It is the culture created by the owner—one of greed, expediency, and mean-spiritedness. The general atmosphere around the team suggests Zimbabwe—a failed state, an intractable dictator, and an impotent and suffering populace.

Dictator Snyder recently banned all signage from FedEx field, with a predictable response from Redskin fans:

Mike Broderick, a longtime season ticket holder, [came] to the Chiefs game with Dumb and Dumber signs, attracting a security official who threatened to seize his season tickets. (See above.) The guard told Broderick he could either go to the security office, leave the stadium, or hand over the signs. So Broderick asked if he could put the image on a t-shirt instead.

“That would be kind of offensive,” the security official said.

“It’s offensive to come to these games,” Broderick said he replied.

Broderick made it in safely Monday night:

Dan Snyder & Vinny Cerrato Dumb & Dumber

Gamblers who bet on the Redskins were also treated to the following:

For those who were lucky enough not to watch, the Redskins did everything below (in order) and still managed to not cover by only a couple of points:

1. Concede ridiculous 67 yard touchdown on reverse to DeSean Jackson
2. Asinine pick 6 from deep in their own territory
3. Fumble on ensuing possession allows Eagles to kick FG without picking up a 1st down
4. Muffed punt allows Eagles to kick FG without picking up a 1st down
5. Blown coverage gives Eagles a 57 yard TD on 3rd & 22
6. Center snaps ball off own leg on 4th and goal from the 4.

Most of this can be attributed to the Redskins own incompetence, but even though they blow at football, I’d bet that you’ll be hard pressed to find another game this year where they manage do so this much stupid stuff. Fuck Us.

Week 7 was also bad for Vegas. ”I can’t remember an NFL season with this many bad teams,” said Las Vegas Hilton sports book director Jay Kornegay, who has been in the business for 22 years. “No doubt, it was the worst day ever for the books.

”We can’t attract money on these poor teams. We keep losing on the same teams. They are not even close to covering.”

“We’ve had bad teams in the NFL before, but usually one or two step up and cover,” Kornegay said. He paused and issued a gallows humor laugh. “I feel like we’re in a knife fight and we’re losing.