NCAA THEME

You know Gus Johnson is ready, even in games where the outcome is already decided!  You know it must be March!  Just make sure you don’t bet any games Steve Lavin is announcing in, you might get coolered.

The pool is a $10 buy-in, must be paid by the Final Four to be eligible.  Please put your name as your bracket name so I can keep track of I need to pay out (besides me :P), as well as to instruct that onto anyone you forward this onto.

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com

Group #: 151780

PW: degens

I’ll leave you with a wild buzzer beater in a Divison 3 game to get your gambling juice flowing!  I’ll probably also post some of my picks for the 1st 2 rounds on Wednesday.  GL!

Buzzer beater

Congrats to Alabama, who somehow held on and covered the 3.5-4.5 vs Texas in the BCS Title game.  Lou made a good point……did ANYONE bet on Texas except for alumni and those from the state?  Maybe they major in Cummunications like the Jeron Johnson of Boise State:

Here is video of a crazy ending to the Florida/NC State Hoops this week

BTW, make sure to get your picks into Miracle Covers before Saturday 4:30, we have about 6 people so far.  Here are my picks for the week:

Bengals -2.5 vs Jets

Everyone and their mom loves the Jets, and I am with Simmons that taking a rookie QB on the road is not the best thing, I learned that last year backing up the truck on Matt Ryan in Arizona.  I mean, the Jets do have the better overall team, but if they fall 10-0 on the road in a VERY cold, windy, and hostile Bengals home crowd, I just don’t see it in Sanchez to give them the throws they need to beat Cincy, even as bad as Cincy looked last week.  Plus everyone loading up on the Jets in good pick’em karma, IMO.

Dallas -4 vs Philly

I really don’t want to pick the game.  The thought of having to decide whether to pick a game where my choices of  teams are coached by Andy Reid or Wade Phillips makes me have seizures. Dallas has dominated Philly so far but it is so hard to win 3 times in a row versus another team.  But the Jackson  injury at center for the Eagles I think is a huge loss because he’d been calling the protections for 7 years straight, and now it’s some rookie who also BTW has to block Jay Ratliff.   I don’t like putting money anywhere near a team who is coached by a “Phillips”,  it’s a heart attack waiting to happen, but Dallas has played their best ball going into the playoffs, and that’s what you look for in betting.

NE  -3 vs Baltimore

I’ll be at this one, and I think the Pats can muster up some Foxboro magic despite losing Welker to eek this out at home.  Flacco has played like crap since Green  Bay game and the Ravens and bengals are the only two teams who can NOT take advantage of the Pats shitty secondary because of their equally-as-shitty WR corps.  Belichick usually takes away what you do well, and that’s Ray Rice for the Ravens.  Take him out, and the Pats should win with home cooking behind them and rally around Wes.

Green Bay +1 @ Arizona

Listen to the Bill Simmons’ Playoff preview podcast and Mike Lombardi made some real good points on how you can take away things from a preseason game and a somewhat of a preseason game in Green Bay’s 67-3 total drubbing of the Cardinals in their last 2 ballgames.  Essentially, the Packers can do whatever they want on both lines of scrimmage, meaning Warner might get pressured into some turnovers.  The Packers 3-4 defense scheme matches up well vs what the Cardinals do, Clay Matthews had 6 pressures last week alone.  The Cardinals may not have Boldin either.  Plus I love taking Aaron Rodgers versus a average defense in a dome.  The only thing that worries me about Green Bay: after Minnesota, they have the worst special teams in the playoffs.  That and the “Arizona is an NBA team” factor as like last year when everyone loaded up against them, they are the only team in football history who can turn the switch on and off from F-level team to SB contender.

NYJ +2.5 @ Cincinnati

Philly +4 @ Dallas

Baltimore +3 @ New England

Green Bay +1 @ Arizona

EDIT 1/11: I’ll post the standings and the first round spreadsheet tonight. -Lou

Basically for 10 bucks, you pick ALL of the games’ lines and compete against the other players for the best overall record thru the Super Bowl  (11 games, total) for the pot.  There is also a side bet for another kitty that goes towards the pursuit of perfection, as it is VERY hard (and is the gambling Holy Grail, minus maybe winning a NCAA Bracket).  If you go 11-0, you win the side pot.

If you are still mathematically alive, the SB Final Score will be tiebreaker #1.   If we have more that 2 going into SB week for a chance, the Pro Bowl could also be used as a secondary tie breaker as well.

The lines we will use will be from Pinnacle, and will be posted Thursday afternoon after the injury report.  I will then post everyone’s picks on the site for tracking and bragging rights.  Your picks must be in BEFORE kickoff of the first game that weekend.

Just post interest below, tell Darts/Lou, or shoot me an email @ sean@miraclecovers.com

Have a chance to win some dough and use it to party with JaMarcus Russell at the Palms in Vegas!

GL!

EDIT: Lou here, just a couple of things to clear up:

1) Sean will post the lines we will be using Thursday afternoon/evening. Picks are due by kickoff of the first game and can be emailed to either me or Sean or posted in the comments. 10 fun units each, winner take all. I’ll take care of posting a spreadsheet with everyone’s picks and the score each week.

Got this in the second just after McDaniels benched Scheffler AND Marshall for a game (now @ +10), they need to win to have any sniff of the playoffs.  How this team even made the 7 win under/over total a sweat after starting 6-0 makes me wanna puke.  So does the idea of watching this game.  “Denver is 2-7 in its past nine games! Kansas City is 9-38 over the past three seasons! Orton!  Savage! It’s the NFL on CBS!”

Baltimore-10 @ Oakland

Win and in for the Ravens, AND if Oakland loses, I ship the 5.5 Season under bet.  Imagine if shitty teams could rest their guys like the good teams do before the playoffs.  The press conferences would be hysterical.  Cable: “We are resting our guys for our 11 am tee time at Pebble Beach Monday.  We are also going to not play JaMarcus because we fear the more he plays, the more confidence he loses.”

Colts @ Buffalo Under 33

Colts resting starters (and not for a bad reason like last week; you play to win the game, baby!  This goes to show Bill Polian really runs the show in Indy), Buffalo sucks even in perfect conditions, AND it’s lake effect blizzard conditions in Buffalo for the entire game.  I have been to one of these games in 2000 when the 4-11 Pats played the 8-7 Bills in Orchard Park under 2 feet of snow.  The Pats won 6-3 in OT.  I’ll take the under.

6pt Teaser

GB +9 @ Arizona

Carolina -1 vs NO

I hope everyone is having a good start to 2010.  You know the alumni of South Florida and Northern Illnois who went to the International Bowl in Toronto did!

Oakland @ Cleveland Under 37

Teaser 6pt

Atlanta 1.5 vs Buffalo

Baltimore +10 @ Pittsburgh

Herm Edwards’ advice for Tiger Woods

Thanks to Brian Billick, his adjective for Jay Cutler, “Jeff Georgish”, is now going to be an EXTENSIVE part of my sports vocab on Sundays from now on.  You can even apply it to other things in life, like restaurant reviews: “Heading into an Italian dinner in the North End I was excited, but after having the rubbery pasta, it meal itself was a bit Jeff Georgish.”

Looks like the guys who made the Comcast info descriptions for TV programs don’t try that hard:

At least the Entertainment Division seems to be stepping up it’s game:

Onto NCAA News, congrats to the South Carolina Gamecocks who will face UConn in the PapaJohns.com Bowl, and to the Clemson Tigers who will face the Kentucky Wildcats in the GAYlord Hotels Bowl.  Way to go, fellas!  We’ll keep a close eye on these bowls here at Miracle Covers because quite simply, people who gamble on these games will be the only ones watching them.

Brad Gradkowski blowing out his knee may have saved by Oakland Raiders under season 5.5 bet (they have 4 wins now).  They were playing well under him and even beat Pittsburgh IN Pittsburgh.  Now Oakland has to rely on the Charlie Frye and/or JaMarcus Russell experience.  I think my bet is safe.

If the Cowboys lose the rest of their games in December, I ship my under bet with them as well.  Not out of the realm of possibility.

Here are the picks of the week, I have Jax in a teaser which shipped its end last night if it wasn’t for Peyton Manning, who is a machine.  12-12, 116, 2 Tds in 10 minutes in the 1st half alone last night.  Ridiculious.  I am sure GB will lose by 8 on Sunday.

6 pt Teasers:

Jax +9 vs Colts

GB +7 vs Pittsburgh

and

Denver -7.5 vs Oakland (led by Charlie Frye!)

San Diego -0.5 vs Cincinnati

Dallas/NO Over 52.5

Baltimore -10 vs Chicago (Good thing I got this in on Monday, now at 11)

Fitch -400

Kongo +185

Mark Sanchez needs to work on his accuracy……kind of.

How is this Meachem TD not counted in Yahoo FFBL Leagues?

This is why we gamble on Fresno State @ Illnois games.

“Pat Patriot” got caught in a prostitution ring. Looks like he’ll be pulled out this Sunday versus the Panthers.

Video that pretty much sums up the Chicago Bulls early troubles. No wonder they don’t lace em up every night; they are too busy watching the other team!

I think when hilarious parody skits are being made about your transgressions, it’s time for Tiger Woods to take time off of golf for a while.  Tiger and his inability to hide his legendary debauchery (that would of gotten a high five from every man in America if he wasn’t married with two kids) clinches him for the “Facepalm Award of the Year”.  More end of year awards to come later this month!

Onto the picks:

Denver +7 @ Indianapolis

Baltimore -13 vs Detroit

6pt Teaser:

Minnesota -0.5 vs Cincinnati

Oakland +7 vs Washington

When this happens in a game, I think that means it’s time for Bobby Bowden to retire.  The play is almost Longest Yard-esque, I wonder if the QB banged his girl or didn’t pay for that lineman’s dinner the night before.

Who would of thought the Miracle of the Year would have came from the CFL?

The Chinese News version on what REALLY happened with Tiger on his adventure of a Thanksgiving.

Ron Artest used to drink at halftime when he was with the Bulls. Thanks to the article on ESPN, I now know that, “Hennessy is a French cognac.”

Last week’s epic Oakland @ Dallas tilt featured both teams having NO turnovers.  I think this is proof that God doesn’t exist.

Here are the lines:

NCAA:

Texas -14 vs Nebraska Big12 Championship

NFL:

Minnesota -3.5 @ Arizona

Detroit @ Cincy Under 42

6pt Teaser

SD -7.5 @ Cleveland

NYG +8.5 vs Dallas

Alabama @ Auburn Under 48

NFL:

Indy @ Houston Over 47

Teaser 6pt

Philadelphia -3 vs Washington

Cincy -8 vs Browns

Three things on the debacle that was the Pats game:

1) Prior history did factor into the call; however, Bill made mistakes in both cases where he should of been aggressive when conservative, and vice versa.  Take the 2006 AFC Championship game, where the Pats, up 34-31, (after Tom misses a wide open Troy Brown on 3rd and 4), have a potential 4th and 4 from their own 46 yard line with 2:26 left.  The defense, who has played 3 games in the playoffs (and 40 over the last 3 years), and the team, which had the flu run amok in the locker room during the week, all in an enclosed dome, is gassed.  THIS is when you go for it on 4th down.  Never mind the better field position which makes sense; the fact that if Peyton got the ball, he was 90% going to score a TD in this scenario vs a very below average Pats D.  Anyone watching the game knew this, Bill somehow didn’t.  Only up 3, he punted, they scored, and Tom threw a INT with 20 seconds left.  This game affected the Belichick’s decision in 2009.

2) In last week’s game, up 34-28 with 2:10 left in the game, Belichick claimed he, based on a computer simulation named ZEUS that claimed an optimal Manning would score a TD on a 70-yard TD drive 30% of the time, decided he had better odds to go for it on 4th and 2, after missing Welker on a predictable out pattern on 3rd (more on this in a minute).  He claims they decided on this BEFORE the drive started, which I claim bullshit, because after 3rd down, the punt team ran out (which is why Bill used his final timeout, which cost the team a challenge that was 50/50 on getting overturned, better than nothing).  He claims that the reason he went for it all was so Peyton wouldn’t get the ball back.  Well in that case, he employed a strategy that would make Ken Whisenhunt and Andy Reid look like geniuses.

It actually starts on 3rd and 8 from the Indy 23 yard line with 3:49 left in the 4th after a Peyton INT, up 31-21.  If you are REALLY concerned with your defense (who had played a B- game at this point) not being able to hold Peyton, this is the time to bleed clock, run the ball, and play Dick Jauron ball.  Yes, fans in NE boo, but this is the correct play IF your goal is to give Peyton the least time possible.  You either a)take the 45 seconds off or b) make Indy use on their 3 TOs, and kick the FG.  The 3 Indy TOs (good coaching, Jim Caldwell) was a big factor in them having a last stand when the Pats get the ball back again, along with the 2 minute warning.

So, Peyton, thanks to a vanilla base defense, scores a quick TD, 34-28.  Pats get the ball back at their 20.  After using a timeout before coming out of the huddle on 1st down (?), the Pats have one left (and challenge with it).  The Pats are short handed at running back and unlike Miami in September, who lined it up and ran all over the Colts all night, possessed the ball for 45 minutes (and still didn’t win), don’t have their power back in S.Morris and F.Taylor, who are both injured.  They have been running the ball out of mostly shotgun formation via Kevin Faulk (12 for 78); L.Maroney was running well, but fumbled at the 2 yard line late in the 3rd (which ended up being the biggest play of the game, IMO).  They instead have to employ the shotgun dive play on 1st down, stuffed for no gain.  OK, second down, it’s Welker time, and they get him on a 8 yard hitch play.  After this as an O-coordinator, you need to know that Indy WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN.  With 2:16 on the clock, if you are seriously in dire straits to bleed clock, this is when you bring out the BIGs and line it up.  For these reasons:

a)I actually think at this point, you could get a better matchup out of a 2 TE formation vs the Colts personnel as supposed to the shotgun vs Tampa 2, where they know the plays the Pats’ WR run very well, as well as the fact they know the likely hood of the Pats going deep versus the on 3rd down is highly unlikely; all they need is the 1st to end the game.  Not only this, the TEs were actually the ones who ended up being wide open out of these formations (Baker 2-31; Watson 2-57), and a solid bootleg fake-fade (the Ben Coates play) might be a better sell to a potentially blitzing defense, rather than a predictable slant/hitch to Welker out of the shotgun (which almost got picked off  because even the rookie Melvin Bullitt knew this).

b) Running up the gut rarely nets a huge loss, even if you don’t have your best BIG personnel.    The Pats are famous for employing a 40/50 power wham-play (where the TE motions across the formation, and as the ball is snapped, takes on a DT while the center pulls) in these scenarios.  They did this play vs a smallish Atlanta team, with Sammy Morris, on 4th and 1 from their own 28 and gained 5 yards.  Granted they don’t have their big backs, but you’d think Bill would pull Maroney to the side and go, “All I need from you is a positive gain here; and no fumbles”.  Hell, even bring Kevin Faulk out there, run a sweep, run something.  The point is, 4th and 1/shorter is a heckuva lot better than 4th and a long 2.

c) Say if you run, and you don’t get it, the clock goes to the 2 minute warning, where you get a free TO to discuss things, AND a freeroll challenge b/c unless it’s 4th and a inch, you are probably passing it.  On any big pass plays, it’s a good idea to have a challenge in your pocket if you go for it in this situation.  Having a freeroll challenge is optimal, AND even having a timeout in the back pocket for when Indy, or the Pats, gets the ball back after this possession is better than none.  Also, well all know why punting is the optimal situation here because of the fact unlike in 2006, we are up by 6 points, so the Colts NEED a TD.  If the punter is having a bad day, another reason to go for it; Hanson was having a good day.  Instead, the Pats dial up their best 4th down play, miss it by a half of a yard, and Peyton gets the ball at the 29 and he obviously scores.  Ugh.

3) At least it can maybe motivate this team to play better.  The Pats have had leads on the road this year and haven’t been able to close out games, mostly thanks to missing a big back closer like Dillon in 2004.  The defense is young and hurting on D-Line, but improving.  And the last two coaches to go for it in a similar situation, Sam Wyche and Barry Switzer, both went to the Super Bowl those years.  So, if anything, the Pats can start by taking it out on Jets.  However, if they lose that game, combined with all of the things that have gone on in my life and with Boston sports this year, I may kill myself.

The Picks (almost tempted to take Washington +11 @ Dallas, but only if Hunter the punter is QB):

PIT @ KC Under 40

A bit low, but with Bowe out, L.Johnson gone, I see no way KC scores on Pittsburgh, even w/o Polumalu.  Plus if the Steelers get the lead, they can finally work on their running game this week.

Teaser 6pt:

SF +12.5 @ GB

NYG -0.5 vs Atlanta

NBA Teaser for tonight!

Denver -5 @ LAC

GS +12 vs Portland

Put $5 on the Niners, -3, last night; they still found a way to give me a heart attack at the end of the game.  Thank you, Jay Cutler, for sucking (he threw his 9th Red Zone INT yesterday!).  My friend Rahul said it best about this abortion of a game: “First thing I do when I get home to to make sure this game video never gets played in my DVR, again.”  Talk about two terrible efforts by two mediocre bad teams setting HD football back 10 years, geesh!

Good blow-by-blow commentary from DCSports Bog on the DeAngelo Hall vs the entire Falcons sideline Royal Rumble from last Sunday’s game. The best part of all of this is the post game comments by Hall (who may sue Falcons staffers for harrassment, lol).  Talk about one paranoid athlete who still holds grudges.

Apparently, only in the NFL, you can fine Chad Ochocinco $20K for having a little fun (granted, a bit inappropriate, but still hilarious) at the referees expense, but yet when you take a cheap shot at a lineman’s face, causing potential career and life threatening injury while he can’t defend himself, you ONLY get fined $7,500 dollars. WTF?

Granted it was entertaining, but the Final Table of the 2009 WSOP sure won’t help the “poker is a game of skill” cause!  What a monkey-poo flinging contest!

Here is one of my favorite articles: The Not-SO Madden A 2010 Team.  Great line on WR Yamon Figurs, an overall 39 in the game:

Most embarrassing stat: 40 rating for Awareness.  With that kind of Awareness rating, I’m surprised Yamon even remembers to bring his helmet to the game.

Wow, I didn’t know women’s soccer could be so chippy.  Watching that video reminded me of the Celtics/Sixers-Piston-Lakers brawls of the late 80’s.  Maybe DeAngelo Hall could get some tackling tips from the New Mexico defender.

Onto the picks:

NCAA:

I am contemplating taking the first half under of South Carolina vs Florida game (22).  It still may be too low for my tastes, but the Gamecocks are good at keeping things close at the half, and then imploding like Steve Spurrier trying to get out of the sand bunker on 15.

NFL:

TB@MIA Over 43

I think the Ronnie and Ricky show could beat this by themselves with Tampa’s piss poor defense.  Miami is also prone to giving up a big play or 3.

NO -14 @ St. Louis

Simmons convinced me here.  Plus I also had a nice big win putting 45 on Indy -13.5 earlier in the year vs the Rams, who lost 42-3.  Yeah, I’ll take the motivated favorite here who didn’t play their best vs Carolina last week.

6 Point Teaser of the Week:

Arizona vs Seattle -2.5

Cincinnati @ PIT +13

It’s almost as bad as the Las Vegas SemiPro special teamer who tackles his own punt returner. “Oh wait, he’s on my own team?  Shit!”

Onto the picks:

NCAA:

South Carolina/Arkansas under 54

NFL:

Philly -3 vs Dallas

Betting against Romo on the road? Yes, plz!

Detroit ML +400 @ Seattle

5 to win 25? Why not?

6 pt Teaser:

ATL -4 vs Redskins

CIN +9 vs BAL

Granted, however, the most optimal strategy to bet on NBA games?  Knowing a referee of course!  Here’s an excerpt from the book-that-won’t-be-published-but-should-be-because-there-is-this-thing-called-the-1st-amendment that I will immediately buy once it is on the shelves (even though the guy is a degenerate felon, but I really am fascinated by this shit):

Allen Iverson provides a good example of a player who generated strong reaction, both positive and negative, within the corps of NBA referees. For instance, veteran referee Steve Javie hated Allen Iverson and was loathe [sic] to give him a favorable call. If Javie was on the court when Iverson was playing, I would always bet on the other team to win or at least cover the spread. No matter how many times Iverson hit the floor, he rarely saw the foul line. By contrast, referee Joe Crawford had a grandson who idolized Iverson. I once saw Crawford bring the boy out of the stands and onto the floor during warm-ups to meet the superstar. Iverson and Crawford’s grandson were standing there, shaking hands, smiling, talking about all kinds of things. If Joe Crawford was on the court, I was pretty sure Iverson’s team would win or at least cover the spread.

All this times, poker player and seasoned NBA bettor Haralabos Voulgaris was betting games based on charts and graphs, and I bet games based on an NBA knowledge I had accrued due to years of collecting basketball cards and countless hours running plays in the NBA Live series (like knowing the fact that Shaq defending the pick and roll vs Damon Stoudimire/R.Wallace in NBA Live 2001 was like watching a retard trying to learn karate).  And all this time the optimal strategy was to simply know either Tim Donaghy, or the ball boy that his crew tipped, based on a prop bet the referee crew placed before the game.  It’s as if Van, Darts, and Allen were in the souls of these refs, personally placing bets on the games WHILE that officiated them.  “(whistle blows) Loose Ball Foul on 45! $20 on the white board at the Castle!”  It’s sickening, hilarious, and shocking all at the same time.  And a lot like when I read Canseco’s book, “Juiced”, I really do feel he’s not completely bullshitting on this one because me and my NBA friends (all 6 of us) have been saying the same shit about Dick Bavetta for years.  The NBA, Where Rigged Happens.

NFL thoughts on last week:

Is this LB button truck stick hit by Adrian Peterson considered a hate crime?

Reggie Bush hitting the right trigger stick+Y to score a great TD versus the Dolphins

Daniel Synder pulling off his best Communist China Mao impression

Great story from Mister Irrelivant about the Synder sign lynchings:

Last night I was at my first Skins Monday Night game. I went with a couple friends, but knew I needed to take an Anti-Snyder banner with me. Problem was I couldn’t come up with anything clever until just before I left for the game. My brother texted me the perfect idea for a sign to play off on the whole Sherman Lewis bingo thing. I whipped up a quick “Snyder…B-I-N-GO F Yourself” sign on a bed sheet so everybody could see it.

In the third quarter, one of my friends and I took out the banner and were holding it up. Next thing I know, four security guys are coming up both sets of stairs and headed right for us. They take my banner and tell us we have to leave the stadium. On the way out a bunch of people in the section are taking pictures and chanting “Free Speech!”

Once we got to the concourse area they asked for my ID, which I quickly tried to pass off to a friend. One of the security guys snatched my wallet and wrote down my drivers license info in his little black book. I guess that means means I’m banned from the stadium or something. They then escorted my three friends and I all the way from the 400 level out to the front gate. I tried to talk to them about the whole situation but they weren’t having it — too busy being serious security guys, I guess.

So, long story short, I got my point across, they took my banner, I probably got banned for life and I got to leave the game early. Good thing too, it was an awful game.

The Redskins looked so lax on offense on Monday Night; Jaws said it best that the team just doesn’t have any urgency.  Maybe they need some athletes, some spark, and someone ready to kick some ass and take names later, as in while doing a somersault backflip.  Who do I suggest?  Kurt Thomas (not the one from the NBA who has 3 DUIs), who practices the greatest form of karate known to man: GymKata (as narrated by Don LaFontaine). You know Reggie Bush walks up the steps in his mansion using just his hands!

The picks for the week:

Jax/Ten Under 45

Wait, you are telling me I get to bet an under, above 40, with games involving both David Garrard AND Vince Young!

Philadelphia +1 vs NYG

I like taking home teams in coin flips, although this happens to be my smallest play of the week.

GB +3 vs MIN

Agree with Lou, and the statement above.

6 pt teaser of the week:

ATL +16.5 @ NO

IND -7 vs SF

Checking out the 3 story Pro Bass and Hunting Shop in Patriot Place before the tailgate was open.  It featured a arcade shooting gallery, a 10 foot fish tank filled with cool looking trout, stripers and bass, sections for both boats AND grills/smokers, as well as a section (in the back, ironically) that sold guns.  I got a chance to hold a 9mm Smith and Wesson Gloc, which weighed as much as my head, which enabled me to live out my dream, even for 5 minutes, to feel like Plaxico Burress.  Except I didn’t shoot myself in the leg; I left that task to LenDale White later in the ballgame (not only did he fumble two handoffs, but also had to be carried off the field with a knee  Maybe its time to get back on the Cuervo train, LenDale).

Our tailgate efforts became an epic fail after about a half hour when the rain started to pick up.  Before then, however, we were talking about how cool it was the constituents of Massachusetts voted on decriminalizing marijuana, and how that could lead to it being legal completely in California.  The guys next to us overheard, and just handed us a free gram of their homegrown to try!

Then we had to get in the car because the hail started to come.  Then the 40 mph winds.  Then it became snow, and the temperature dipped about 20 degrees in 45.9 seconds.  It was like the weather in the Adrian Peterson Nike commercial.  Thank god for satellite radio, beer, and weed to keep us entertained before we got inside.

Then, around 3:30, we headed in.  This was also when the storm was at its worst.  Winds up to 60 mph.  Snow AND sleet pounding our face, as if they were sharp knives thrown by flying ninja monkeys.  Walking into the stadium was an adventure, I got blown down from the wind a few times.  I saw a girl slip and fall on her ass, and watched a couple of under dressed dudes (one with a hole in his shoe) stave off hypothermia by chugging a flask of whiskey on their way into Gillette.  It was awesome and intimidating at the same time.  The only thing left missing in our short adventure of a walk to our seats was a labyrinth, guarded by a Minotaur wearing a John Hannah jersey on throwback day, on the way into the stadium.

Once in the stadium, we felt the best thing to do in this winter wonderland was to get a beverage; nothing says, “freeze my nuts off” more like Margaritas, baby!  Nine bucks a pop is steep, but they were actually quite delicious.  Also delicious were the cheerleaders, dressed up in slutty outfits for Halloween day at the stadium in this horrid weather.  Somewhere, feminists were angry, but seeing a 20-something, with a forced smile, getting paid 46 bucks to wear a Wonder Woman thong-outfit dancing to AC/DC’s, “Thunderstuck” while losing the nerves in her feet, makes me proud as an American.  We both cheered, “Hooray, America!” and happily agreed (at this point, the smiles were frozen on our face) that this is what our fore fathers fought for.

That song is also the exact point of the game the Titans decided to mentally get back on the bus.  I was happy, because this also provided a fantasy freeroll as I have Chris Johnson (who had 104 yds rushing) in my 14-man league, and didn’t have to worry about my selfish monetary conflicts affecting my fandom.  This is why I don’t have Yankees on my fantasy baseball team; and also why I have never cashed in any of my fantasy baseball leagues.

There was one play where the Pats where on their 15th consecutive TD drive (they got 33 first downs!), Keith Bullock had to call timeout at the Titans 5 yard line.  He just put his hands up in the air towards the Titans bench, placed his hands on his hips, and slowly tilted his head down in epic failure.  And it was awesome.

Although on the way home (we left with about 10 minutes left in the 4th), I was listening to the radio call by the Pats play-by-play guys, and have never heard the following from Gil Santos: “Titans on their own 15 yard line, 1st and 10.  Snap, Young hands off to Javon Ringer, and he is……oh my, the poor thing……..just swallowed up at the 13 by 7 Patriots defenders.  This is awful, just horrible.  They really just need to kneel on the ball and pack it in.  The kid doesn’t deserve this, he’s just a rookie.  Sums just the game right there, Geno.”  Geno: “Yup, time for Jeff Fisher to start a drinking habit!” (OK, I made that up, but pretty much implied in that statement).

Although when I got home to thaw out my balls, I had the pleasure of catching NFL Gameday, my new favorite show.  I was pleased to hear Rich Eisen, Deion Sanders, and Coach Mariucci snicker not once, but twice, when Eisen was describing Vikings’ TE Visanthe Shiancoe, “popping out on a valve route” or “dangling around the back of the end zone”.  It also featured thehighlight 3-block play of Louis Murphy on Zach Miller’s TD catch, which pretty much should be shown to every want-to-be football player in America.  Just awesome.

The DeSean Jackson Award of the week goes to Alabama Safety Mark Barron (video around 2:23), who (thanks to going up again inept at times Gamecocks’ coach Steve Spurrier, who should have challenged) threw the ball backwards on one of only 2 TDs in the game (hit the under!).  The video doesn’t show it real well, but on ESPN’s reverse wire camera angle, it is clear he throws the ball backwards at around the 1 yard line.  Why do kids do this?  Is it because the SEC is so nitty on celebrations, that instead of doing a dance, they throw the ball backwards near the goalline?  I’d rather take the penalty and the points!

Roger Goodell wants to not only have the Super Bowl in London, but also a team.  No, no, and no.  Just stupid.  The Brits don’t care, they have commie roundball in form of the Barclay’s Premier League to watch.  No player would want to play there, the road trips would be brutal (imagine a 10-12 hour road trip to San Diego?  What would the line be for the London Tallywhackers, +20?), and the weather is shitty.  If they ever have the Super Bowl in London, just call it the Super Bowel, because that is what it would be.  How about the rotation of New Orleans/San Diego/Miami/Vegas?  So much better destinations!

Onto the picks:

College 6pt Teaser:

LSU -2 vs Auburn

USC -14.5 vs Oregon State

NFL:

Oakland +6.5 vs NY Jets

Oakland, I guess, IS a professional football team!  I have to bet on Louis Murphy’s boys here getting the job done.  The Jets are 1-10 in Oakland, their only win coming in the AFL era under Namath in the 1960’s.  Not only that, they may start to hate their coach, who seems more and more shaky as they lose each week.  Maybe if he didn’t call a team’s gameplan (one that beat him) a “gimmick”, and maybe had a sense of humor like Jeff Fisher, his players wouldn’t be so down on themselves when things start going bad in games.  Plus they have no Kris Jenkins, big day for Fargas and Bush, methinks.  Plus, Sanchez and J.Russell’s combined QB rating will be at around 19.5…..the under is 34.5 (lol).

Indianapolis -13.5 @ St.Louis

It’s in a dome, off a bye week with Freeney getting healthy, and Bob Sanders is back.  And the Colts, unlike the Jaguars, are actually a good football team.  I wonder if Mark Bulger says to Kyle Boller, “Hey, you want a few snaps?  I have to check up on how Peyton is doing on my fantasy team.”

GB -7/-9 @ Cleveland

I got this at -7 before the flu hit Cleveland’s locker room.  Their best player, DT Shawn Rogers, is questionable.  I’d still take the 9….. Green Bay knows it needs to beat up on the creampuffs on its schedule to have any shot of making the division close with Minny, who they play in a few weeks in Lambeau.

6pt teaser of the Week:

KC +11 vs San Diego

NYG -1 vs Arizona

I went 1-4 on SEC plays last week (ended up taking the under 44 in LSU/FLA as I was on tilt after near misses early in the day).  I ended up breaking even on Saturday thanks to that and the Dodgers sweeping St. Louis, who I had @ +125 WITH home field advantage (Don’t the bookies have ESPN?  Where every night/morning SportsCenter would lead off with highlights of Andre Either celebrating with his teammates at home plate with weekly walk-offs at Dodger Stadium?  Am I missing something here?).

I however KILLED it on NFL this Sunday, going 5-0 and hitting all of my teasers, mostly thanks to Cincy (now known by Gus Johnson as the “Cardiac Cats!”, and yes, with the exclamation point) helping me complete not only the teasers I mentioned last week, but I also gambled it up with a 4 team teaser at +350 and hit that too.  Hopefully I can keep the roll going.  Here are some random thoughts on the week:

The Browns winning a game with only 2 completions has to now place the Bills as a lead nominee for “The Darwin Awards”.  How can you only score 3 points, at home (granted with some of that swirling, crazy wind in Northern NY) against a team who not only is lacking in talent, but also smarts.  Just take a look at this quote from Defensive Captain D’Qwell Jackson:

Browns linebacker and co-captain D’Qwell Jackson was among the most stunned by the Browns 0-3 start. “Every year I think we’re going to go 16-0, so I’m shocked that we’re 0-3.”

I’m not, D’Qwell.  Granted maybe you have more faith in your teammates than I do, but seriously, 16-0?  At least say something somewhat attainable, like 10-6 or something.  The fact you can’t recognize your team blows maybe proves that the dementia that esteemed journalist Malcolm Gladwell wrote about in The New Yorker this week maybe is more of a problem than we thought.  I certainly can, and plan to profit off of it!

Andre Johnson is a beast.  That is all.

Dre Bly epically failing to be Deion Sanders.

Dre, this is how it is done (or maybe not….maybe this is where the “Hunter Smith: whitest player” beef came from?).

Poor form, Donnie Avery.  Not only do you celebrate with a gay-ish dance after scoring a TD late in the 4th (which is OK I guess, the Rams will be lucky to score 10 TDs this year), down 31-3….you then push away your teammate (former Cowboys Hard Knocker) Danny Amendola, which can’t look good to your teammates, coaches, and the fans of the Rams.  And Yes, I will blatantly admit I was giddy to type in the phrase, “Hard Knocker”, all week.  Avery gets the Double Facepalm Player of the Week award.

Onto the picks:

Alabama/South Carolina Under 45

Big game in the SEC between two really good defensive teams, and two very vanilla offenses.  Only offensive scare will be outstanding Alabama return man Javier Arenas versus a piss poor South Carolina special teams unit.

Jackonsville, -9.5, vs St. Louis.

Mo-Jones-Drew is pissed, St.Louis blows, is 0-5, and has no road TDs, they have the bad karma of Donnie Avery working against them, and Jacksonville is coming off a 41-0 loss @ Seattle.  I always remember my dad saying, “Beware of the team that gets blown out a week before and is playing at home.  They will play harder the week after, not only for pride, but if anything, to shut the coaches up from yelling at them in the meetings”.

Philly -14 @ Oakland

The aforementioned quote from my dad applies to professional, and even college, teams.  Oakland is neither.

Bears @ Atlanta Over 46

This probably gets smashed around the 3rd quarter.

Teasers of the Week (6 point):

KC @ WAS +12

GB -7.5 vs DET

AND

HOU +11 @ CIN

NYJ -4 vs BUF

The Lions may want to work on their kickoff coverage, maybe they should hire the Bears ball boy.

I have become accustomed to betting (and winning) on SEC division football games over the last year.  I usually take SEC home dogs, and also the under.  These games are usually intense, full of defenses with players who will play on Sundays, middle-of-the-road teams with an offensive star who usually also gets drafted, and full of football coaches who can recruit, but have no idea how to manage the game or even do simple A-B-C playcalling.

For example, like when Les Miles, on the road in a tough place in Athens and up 6-0, not only decided to go for it on 4th and 1 from the 21 with the most vanilla QB sneak play formation, ever, versus a Georgia team with a strong D-Line (memo to coaches on the road; this means you, Jim Zorn: TAKE THE FUCKING FIELD GOAL), but also decided to kneel on the ball with 11 seconds left and 1 timeout, from the Georgia 33.   Instead of trying a TD pass or at least try to steal a long field goal before the half ends, he kneels on it.  Instead of it potentially being 12-0, it’s 6-0.  This type of coaching is what helps you hit the under.

You must be careful of the referees, however, in college football.  They have a way of calling the most ticky-tac unsportsmanlike penalties at the worst times to give bettors a sweat.  The unintentional comedy moment of the week was when SEC on CBS analyst Gary Danielson was critiquing the TD “celebration” of an LSU running back in slow motion replay.  “Oh, there he is, going to the mouth with his finger, yup, you gotta call that.  I guess.  He maybe should of went with the Running Man, Verne.  It’s more subtle but yet captures the emotion of the moment.”

OK, I made that last part up, but you know what I mean.  His main quote that really put the point home was, “the only thing I see excessive is the flags”.  Last week, there was not one but two 15 yard unsportsmanlike calls at the end of touchdowns late in the forth quarter that almost resulted in a 6-0 game with 7 minutes to go, turn into a 20-20 game that heads into overtime, killing my under bet of 50.  Thankfully, I was betting against Georgia QB Joe Cox, who not only is terrible, but also looks like Fire Marshall Bill from In Living Color.  The Tigers held on, 20-13.

One of my SEC plays is Ole Miss +5 at home, versus Alabama.  Ole Miss doesn’t play 60 minutes all the time, and Houston Nutt can give bettors a heart attack as evidenced by his “timeout with season on the line, let’s call a screen” debacle.  But the Ole Miss Rebels usually pull off one big upset per year in the SEC (most of the middle tier teams do), and Alabama, a team who has limited personnel on offense minus WR Julio Jones, is a prime candidate to put up an offensive stinker on the road.  The only worry is Nick Saban is one of the few coaches in the SEC who manages the game properly, but that just means Alabama, if they win, will take it down in a nail biter.  I like the Rebels with the points here.

I also have a juicy teaser with South Carolina -4 at home versus Kentucky (by far the worst team in the SEC) and LSU +13.5 at home versus Florida (who may or may not have Tim Tebow).  This will be, by far, Florida’s biggest test minus the SEC championship on their title run.  LSU has a mediocre offense, but their defense is full of playmakers, including outstanding CB Jordan Jefferson. The under is at 44, which may be a bit low.  If Tebow doesn’t play, then I might consider taking that too.

Speaking of South Carolina, if you are ever golfing and hit your ball into the water hazard (I’m talking to you, Allen Gowin), do not, I repeat, DO NOT put your hand in the hazard to get your ball.  Although if this does ever happen to you, Allen, I am legally changing your name to Chubbs Peterson.

If you need a reason to dislike the Yankees, this article will give you plenty of reasons to.  An article which also touches on the subject of sports slowly creeping away from our culture consciousness thanks to rising ticket prices across the board, and tickets even being used as bribes for business deals, here’s an example of the type of Yankee fan that attends the games today in the best of seats in the Stadium:

Inevitably, one group of equity traders — they worked at Fidelity — got caught. The thing that finally brought the whole thing to a close was a 2003 bachelor party for one of the traders. Everyone heard about it: private jets to Miami, a yacht, a bag of Ecstasy, a warren of rooms at the uber-exclusive Delano Hotel, some hookers, some strippers, some red meat, medium-rare. Oh, and one midget, named Danny Black, to toss off the boat. All told, $160,000 for a weekend at the beach.

“It wasn’t like a three-ring circus,” groused the father-in-law of the groom, disgraced Tyco executive Dennis Kozlowski, to the tabloids at the time. “It was a nice party. There was only one dwarf.”

Now onto the picks for the week:

Cincinnati/Baltimore under 42

Miami +110 Money Line

Seattle Pk versus Jacksonville (if you can find it)

Two 6 point Teasers of the week:

ATL +8 @ SF

NYG -9 vs OAK

and

CIN +14.5 @ BAL

MIN -4 @ StL

At least he’ll be up to score 25 points for my fantasy team tonight.

Speaking of mediocrity, Lou suggested this week during a Kelly’s Roast Beef run, wouldn’t it be fun if Sports Illustrated, as they do for champion teams, offered a video package for losing teams as well?   Imagine the hilarity that would ensue!   You are watching the MNF on ESPN, and suddenly a commercial comes on:  “Mets fans!  Subscribe or renew your SI package now, and get for free, “Epic Fail: The Story of the 2009 New York Mets!  Call within the next 30 minutes, and get an autographed picture of Mets’ 2B Luis Castillo dropping a fly ball 3rd out at second base versus the Yankees!”

Some other suggestions include:

“Face Palm”: The Story of the 2008 Houston Texans.  Call now and get an autographed picture of Sage Rosenfels and some white guy!

“Oh Butters!:  The Story of the 2009 Cleveland Indians.  Call within 25 minutes, and get a glove signed by Jhonny Peralta that has a large hole in it.”

“What the Fuck is Going On?:  The Story of the 2009 Kansas City Chiefs/Oakland Raiders.  Two crappy teams for one low price (although video is the same length due to lack of highlights)!  Call now and get a ticket to attend sensitivity training with Raiders’ coach Tom Cable and Chiefs’ coach Todd Haley!”

“Different Coach, Same Ole’ Shit: The Story of the 2009 Cleveland Browns.  Call within 30 minutes, and not only will you get an autographed picture of Braylon Edwards welcoming you to the locker room, one lucky caller will get a chance to coach the Browns for the final game of the season after Eric Mangini gets fired!  Call today!”

We did have a miracle cover in football land, however it wasn’t in Pro or College football.   In an epic high school football tilt in Vermont between Mt.Mansfield and Otter Valley (+3) ended in a last second touchdown for Mt.Mansfield, securing the win and the miracle cover.   Somewhere out there, DeSean Jackson feels a little better about himself.  So does Jake Delhomme; at least when he throws the ball away, he’s throwing it forward.

Finally before the picks, me, Lou, and the Degen Boys headed out for some Friday Night Football in Cambridge to see the Brown Bears (+3, as set by our own crew, although Darts argued that it should of been +4.  We also had the over/under line move 2 and half points in 1.5 seconds; that’s what happens when degens are riding dirty (#6) to a college football game) take on the Harvard Crimson.

Harvard ended up holding on at the end of the game, 24-21, as Brown, who (I guess) had a shitty field goal kicker, decided to throw a Hail Mary instead of kicking a 42 yard field goal in the waning seconds.  Brown’s main problem was they could only run it with consistency, not throw it, with their “White Cat” attack: a WildCat formation that featured all 11 players being white.  A Rams fan at the bar suggested we call this personnel package: “The Snow Leopard”.  Done and done.

Here are my picks for the week:

Indianapolis +10.5 vs Seattle

The Colts will destroy this team at home.  Their offense is playing great, and Seattle is led by Seneca Wallace and Jim Mora Jr.  After reading Lou’s blurb on the Seahawks, that’s all you need to know to put money down.

Oakland @ Houston Over 42

Oakland has a shitty offense, but both teams have shittier defenses.  I see the Texans winning, 40-17.

6 point Tease of the Week:

Miami +8 vs Buffalo

NYG -3 @ KC Chiefs