If you are a true gambler, then this website is for you
By Sean Caulfield
So, you want to make some serious money being a gambler, eh? Do you dream of one day being a “sports analyst” (in their 3 piece suit and overly slicked back hair) on, “The Sports Predictors” (hosted by Pete Rose), a television show you watch while in a drunken stupor at 3am on a Sunday morning, being one of those guys who tell you to call that number RIGHT NOW on the bottom of the screen to get their picks of the week? Maybe you want to be that guy who picks <insert rookie RB to be determined> in the last round that ends up shipping your fantasy football league. Or maybe, just maybe, you want to be that guy who readily admits he’s a +EV WNBA bettor………
……well, we can’t help you there (we can direct you to Gamblers’ Anonymous, however. If you bet on women’s basketball, seriously, get some help).
But we can help you identify if you are that type of enthusiastic, true, balls-to-the-wall gambler who wants to make the leap from the $10 parlay cards that you get at the bar, to a full fledged degenerate who can actually make a decent wages off of predicting what jocks do on a field!
Here are some signs to help identify yourself to see if this site can be for you:
- If you have ever watched the show, “The Football Pub” on Sky Sports, a show where 3 drunk lads from Leeds, UK, sit around for an hour and openly drink pints of beers while telling you how they fancy an Everton draw on Saturday, and think that is your dream job……..then this website is for you.
- If you have had people gawk at you while you cheered loudly in the middle of a Boston sports bar while wearing Patriots garb because you yelled, “Go Larry Fitz, Go!”, while the Patriots are beating the Cardinals 47-0 during Week 16……….only because his touchdown helped you win your $200 fantasy league……then this website is for you.
- If you have ever thrown money in a 1st goal pool during a soccer match, know nothing about the teams before you do so, then have your guy get a cheapie penalty kick, only to miss the kick wide right off his right foot, and then have a soccer expert from the UK say to his friends after, “Hey, isn’t that guy a lefty?”……… then this website is for you.
- If Romeo Crennel, Herm Edwards, Brad Childress, Wade Phillips, Mike Martz, Mike Dunleavy, or any Raiders coach not named John Madden has helped you pay rent thanks to their head coaching futility……then this website is for you.
- If you’ve ever written a parlay suggestion………on company letterhead…….then this website is for you.
- If you hit on that parlay suggestion…….then you are just lucky one lucky bastard.
- If you’ve ever been outside a bar in College Park, MD after the Maryland Terrapins win their first ever NCAA Basketball Championship, and responded to random people high fiving you, “We won it all!” and your response was, “And we also hit the 76 1/2 Over!”……all while in the middle of tipping over a burning car…….then this website is for you.
- If you have ever had a friend break off a friendship because you wouldn’t trade him Drew Brees for Steven Jackson in your football fantasy league, only because you ended up trading Brees later to someone else for A.Boldin and an ounce of marijuana to be named later………..then this web site is for you.
- If you’ve ever placed a wager on what you and your friend think the line is for just the 4th quarter of a Celtics playoff game, proceed to spend 2 hours arguing with online and Vegas sports books trying to get said line……only to end up chopping the bet………..then this website is for you.
- If you have ever high fived a friend after a player gets injured during a football game only because it clinches a fantasy football title, not only is this website for you, but I’m also going to hell……… I mean, erm, YOU’RE going to hell.
- If you’ve pounded your fist on the bar stool after said football player, who was carted OFF the field, walks back on and then makes a catch right after…..then this website is for you.
- If you have a friend who goes up to you and says, “See that guy talking to that chick? I give you 6 to 1 he’ll get in that girl’s ribs tonight!”……… then this website is for you.
- If you have ever gone to your roommate and say, “Hey, what do you think about Middle Eastern Tennessee State, +5, tonight?”………… then this website is for you.
- If you have ever placed real money wagers on your Madden 2010 skills, online, versus some random dude in Iowa you met over a Video Game Gambling site……then this website is for you.
- And finally, if you have ever bet against a dead guy in a congressional election, or on a black guy in a presidential election….…..then this website is for you.